On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
