kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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