You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
