3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
