what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
