Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
