I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
