I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
