Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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