toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
