Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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