I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
