Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize