I accidentally burped into my bong.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
