so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
