you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
