my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
