I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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