No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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