Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he fucked my hip out of place.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
