I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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