I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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