I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
