I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
