Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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