You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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