btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
