Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
