grandma shit on top of the toilet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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