I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
God, I missed his penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
