Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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