I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
