i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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