Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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