she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
