I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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