I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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