Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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