I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
