His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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