So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
