Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
