There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
