you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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