also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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