Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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