you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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