how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
