I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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