Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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