Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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