Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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