I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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