somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
