god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize