After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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