is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
