we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
