I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
