Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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