why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
