I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
