it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
