it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
