and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the liver wants what the liver wants
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
