And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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