So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
