I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
